Incredulous

1 of the 3 people that passed English class test (:
People say it’s luck, people say it’s just a class test.

But it means a lot to me, happy? (:
OH YA! And if it’s luck so be it, at least I’m luckier than you are (:

That used to so homely…

This looks so cozy, so homely. I want.

I remember having a home outside of the home that I live in, one which I seek refuge, one which I go to when I really wanted to share my joy; one which I will tell them of my good results if there is, of my new leadership positions and more. One which I go to when I need someone to be there, one which I just knew “this is where I belong!”. Maybe it is not a physical home, but it felt homely, I feel warmth when I am with them.

But things change and indeed it changed. It looks the same on the outside, maybe it expanded overtime. But at the same time attention are diverted, people make little changes so that they will not be neglected. Smaller groups are formed among this small group, we no longer relate to each other. Everything just seems so distant. No one likes to be alone, actually.

This is where I grew, I can’t bear to see it disappear just like that. But this home is no longer homely, it is ugly, it is cold, I don’t feel like going to that place anymore. I find no meaning in there anymore. Oh well…

If I could say what I want to say

Thanks Mum for supporting me since the day I was born (:

I know it can be quite hard trying to raise both Sean and I, especially when we used to be really immature last time, always making you worry by fighting at home, over really trivial matters. We laugh when we recall these things now. But I know that it was really hard for you to discipline us, to play the role of both the father and mother.. Without you I wouldn’t be the Hazeline today.. I’m quite sure.

I’m still growing, I’m still learning along the way, but ma, you’ll never see this, but I really do love you (: For every single thing that you do, even those that I got angry with you for, my temper is not that good, but ma, ultimately I know you meant well (: I love you (:

And Sean! Even though you’re the really annoying one who always get me into trouble (vice versa), throw a fork at me and maybe made me cry the most because we argue that much when we were young, but I still love you (:

You’re (amazingly) the one who speaks sense into me when I do really stupid things, like saying inconsiderate things and doing things which will affect people’s emotion. You’re younger than me, taller than me, fatter than me, but sometimes you think more than me. Sometimes, not in terms of mathematics though, I still pwn you in that (: But I do love you, I don’t say it but ya. I express it through nagging I think. So stop saying that I’m naggy! (:

And for that someone who is no longer with me. I know without you there wouldn’t be the very annoying us..

As a child I might not have known you that well, I might not have interact that much with you. I might have blamed you for not being there, I might have therefore stereotype all smokers as inconsiderate people. I might have thought immaturely, thinking why why and why didn’t you spare a thought for us, why did you allow us to be on our own?

But I realised that, no parents will want their child to suffer.. on deliberate. I don’t remember calling you Dad because you think it’s weird. So pa, I love you even though I really have no memory of us spending much time together. I remember family days on Sunday where we go out for meals, I still remember them (: You will never read this, I don’t exactly dare to say that I love you because of the gap. But thanks…

I doubt anyone from the family will ever read this. But I really do love you guys even though I don’t say it. I’m still learning, wait a little (:

Expect and it shall be.

Today’s cell group was a blast (: We really started the year well I thought, awesome message, awesome meeting, awesome fellowship, awesome food (I think they are since they smelt good (: ) Everything was just awesome today, and yes, everything (:

We are not made up of what others say of us, therefore we should not be affected (: Yes, Hazeline don’t care what others might say this year (: Run your own race, don’t get distracted by others who are doing better, or lagging behind (: Focus, focus and focus (:

And I’ve transferred to 4D for Chinese lesson! Goody good good (: It’s so much more lively over there (: The grass is indeed greener at the other side, I like my class there thus far, since irritating Jieying sits behind me (: And ya.. the people are friendlier there, somehow (:

I want to complain! That woman will tap me during lesson and pretend to be so attentive when I turn behind.. (: My best friend thinks she’s very cute but I don’t think 89 year-old monster from another planet can be cute (: Just joking (: Love you plenty still (:

I’m very inspired now, have to catch it and not let it go away (:

How do you measure?

How do you measure, a year in the life?
How about love?

Yes love (:

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What if my chances are already gone?

This holiday had been quite a happening one thus far (: Met amazing people who changed my life in some way, bonded with awesome people like my best friend, had heart to heart talks and more (: It had been fun, but I was reminded by that certain proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy; All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy.”

I have been thinking more than I usually do, asking why to every single thing, even the nonsensical ones. Why is Elmo red? And why is Barney purple? Why is the sky so high? Why? Why? Why? Someone knows what I mean cause he had been asked all these nonsense (: Love you still though (:

But, I have been thinking a lot more. Looking at the result slip, thinking why I was even satisfied with that type of results at first.. Because I knew that I would be promoted even before I took my exam..

Wrong mentality. Yes, wrong mentality.

But it’s not enough, I have to understand that just passing is not enough, every teacher thinks I can do it (other than my beloved maths teacher perhaps).. Sometimes it sucks when I can’t live up to people’s expectation, people expect me to excel in my studies because they see the potential within. People expect me to do well in things assigned because I did well in previous assignments. But.. sometimes I’m just tired. I don’t know what lies ahead, I lose passion along the way.

Life is not about living to people’s expectation I guess.. Since I know myself best (or at least I hope), I set my own expectation, and I meet my own expectations (: JIAYOU QUEKQUEK! (:

At times I think, why is that some people can do it, and I can’t quite even master it? Why is it that my expectation of things is different from others, and why is it that it differ so much? I conclude that I have way too many questions.. Shall keep on finding the answer to them :P

p/s: 2009 is ending, I want to end this year strong (:

Déjà vu

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

Erick S. Gray

In ambivalence, and feeling ambivalent now.

I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but rar rar rar. This always make me feel like going to some beach and shout as if it really helps, or go binge eating and maybe go somewhere, sit down and do nothing. BUT FEEL LIKE DOESN’T MEAN I’LL DO IT.

So meanwhile I shall just hug my pillow as if it’s some hot guy, say what Im typing aloud and maybe just talk to myself  (: And I’m not insane, I’m still quite sane, I’m sure of that, I still know what I’m doing, I merely saying the things I’m typing aloud nowwww (:

p/s: Don’t worry I’m fine.

p/p/s: I miss mummy and annoying little Sean!!!

Defying gravity.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!

I’m through accepting limits
”cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down

Your touch is almost healing,

CAN ANYONE BELIEVE IT? (:
ALL THOSE ARE CAKE.
YOU KNOW C-A-K-E, CAKE!

Like you know.. The one you eat on your birthday, on your friend’s birthday, and the one you eat on your friend’s friend’s friend’s birthday? (:

Okay lah I’m very lame lately. I think it’s called influence (: Hanging out with lame people makes walking a difficult thing to do. And like hanging out with optimist made me a optimistic person (:  (Like duh.. N O N S E N S E)

Went to play lan with Andrew Xuan Wei Verena Wesley Cheryl and company yesterday (: Btw I wouldn’t shoot zombie or go to a lan shop for prolly the next few decades of my life (: IT MAKES MY EYES SO DRY that it hurts.. So nope, I don’t care how shuang it is to shoot a zombie anymore (: I shall play neopets instead :P

People have been making me go awwwww these few days (:
It’s really very sweet of them (:
Imagine people saying “I miss you quekquek” and “u love to smile, i love to see ur smile cus its nice =)”  and prolly send messages in the morning just to put a smile on your face (: Or go out just to do homework or something (:
Immediately make my day (: THANKS FOR BEING SUH-WEET MY DEAR(S) :D

Okay love you guys shall keep your anonymity  in case people snatch angels like you guys away from me <3

p/s: Saw this joke somewhere. If Taylor Swift marries Taylor Lautner, both of them will be known as Taylor Lautner (:

p/s/s: BETTY WO AI NI! <3